An update

I hate starting an entry with "it's been a while", but it truly has been a while, and so much has happened! Lots of ups and downs. So, let's begin:

WEDDING UPDATES
- We attended our food tasting and were quite disappointed. Our venue has an excellent reputation and is changing us out the wazoo for the food, so we expected to be blown away. However, the steak was cooked to the point of obliteration...I would have sent it back at an Applebees. The lobster was excellent. The hors d'oeuvres were disappointing. We made some changes and hope that this will improve the situation. However, it was a fairly negative experience (as I had hoped this would "redeem" our venue for past sins...it did no such thing)
- Venue needs to be redeemed over terribly miscommunication and (dare I say it) funny business on their end. Thought we signed a contract for a minimum of 80 people at $200 a head = $16,000. So that's what we budgeted for. When it looked like we would only have about 65 people (due to unexpected drop offs) we thought, fine, we are over per-head by about $47. $247 a head for 65 guests = $16,055. GREAT! Not great. The venue wants us to stick to our original agreement of a MINIMUM of 80 people at $200 a head. The final cost didn't matter. And if we don't get 80 people, we have to pay $2000 for room rental. GAH! So, we had to invite an extra 15 people, and reduce the amount we spend on each of them. It's miscommunication, but it has really shaken our already tumultuous relationship.
- First dress fitting finished. I look supa!
- I have three attendants. My sister, E, my oldest friend K, and my brothers girlfriend L. I still haven't received payment for half of L's dress. 2 months and counting!
- Our wedding rings are under construction with a lovely artisan who keeps on forgetting about us, missing meetings and deleting my emails. Will we have rings on the day? Stay tuned!
- We have ordered our favours (boring chocolates!) and they are simply the most divine thing I have ever put in my mouth!
- I have had the last laugh with MF, who challenged me making 70 invitations back in October when we were only inviting 80 odd people. The invitee list has now risen to 102 due to huge amounts of unexpected "no's" and we are almost out. Who's laughing now!!
- Need to pick our wedding music by tomorrow (eeek!)
- All the lovely fiddly things now begin: manicures, creating seating plans, tanning, haircuts, guest books, first dance music, and keeping people apart who wish to kill the other.

PERSONAL UPDATES
- PMS-ing continues in earnest. Getting progressively worse. Prone to mood swings and bursts of tears, especially when my family (for the 18th time) criticize or joke about the wedding / my groom / me.
- Upswing in moods creates euphoric bursts of energy that help me make it through the day.
- Work putters along at a snails pace during this holiday break.
- Christmas was not exactly disappointing, but it just wasn't quite right either. Missing home. Stupid, I know.
- On fourth stage of interview process with another company. Writing an intensive marketing plan. V. exciting. Will submit Jan. 3rd!
- Gained a few pounds (and not from Christmas binging either) through slow descent back into poor eating habits. Shows particularly on skin and around the waistline. Am drinking gallons of water and eating soy beans.
- I've got a headache.

Think that's it for now. Will try and be more up-to-date...it's my new years resolution!

She's So Vain...

...can't help it, sorry. This post is going to be all about how spanking gorgeous I can be. Feel free to skip the post, it's very self-indulgent and only partially true. However, it is just a snapshot in time and the feeling will fade. But for now, humour me.

It always starts with a little dress, have you noticed that? A perfect...little...dress. Way too expensive for the amount of fabric that makes it so...little. Vivid Christmas red in silk. Not cheap silk-substitute, no way. Real silk. I have never put on something so fab. I had to have it. Too much money but so many justifications. I hadn't had a nice dress in years. The one I was to wear that night had been worn at the same event the previous year. I was worth it. And so I put my money down and it was mine. Did I know that the earrings were half off? No, no I didn't. Would I like the ones that matched the beautiful brooch on the dress? Why yes, I would.

A clever cooincidence...as I was already on my way to the party when a sudden whim for a new dress struck, I already had all of my ecoutrements with me, packed. With great fortune and cooincidence, the undies I had packed left no lines visible, so strap unhidden, and the most ridiculously perfect amount of cleavage on view. But to the shoes? I had black, and clearly that wasn't going to cut it. An emergency trip to the mall yielded a parking space directly across from the shoe store, despite the overcrowding and Christmas crush. Two stores later and I had them...red satin shoes in the same hue and style as the dress. What luck! And, with a gasp as I turned them over the view the price, more reasonable than I expected.

I dressed in haste, a hotel room near the banquet hall. My hair dried *just-so* and my makeup *perfect*. MF looked at me as if he hadn't seen me in years...his eyes lit up. I felt like a movie star.

I danced all night, even to the stupid tunes played by a really appallingly bad DJ. I wanted to shimmy and shake, shake that flirty dress and have a great time. And I did! Even MF needed to dance with me, to be part of the aura. Not too much to drink to make me sleepy, not too much to eat to ruin the ligne. Perfect.

No cab to be had, but a friend gave us a ride back to the hotel. We indulged in the extra red wine and ordered a pizza. I was still starry eyed and perky, not sozzled like the other girls. Keeping my cool, keeping my dignity, grace and mystery. Going to bed content, danced out, happy, at peace with myself and my fiance.

I will remember this. I need to remember this.

I shone like a ruby.

Ahhhhhhh-pathy

Sorry about lack of blogging, just don't feel very motivated to do so. I also feel that when you don't feel like doing something, forcing you do do it for the sake of doing it is counter-productive. Apathy doesn't just fall under the blogging realm, it has also affected:

• Laundry
• Cleaning
• Cooking
• Working
• Showering
• Shaving
• Everything else

As when you simply cannot see the wood for the trees, I cannot see a way to get anything done because I am too damn busy. So really it's not apathy (I'm telling myself)...it's probably closer akin to exhaustion.

I haven't been out dancing in months. I haven't had a quiet night at home with MF in 20 days. I'm struggling with work. I'm struggling with other issues (more to follow at later date). I just want to curl up in a ball and watch Dr. Phil until my eyes bleed.

I can't be bothered to write anymore. I have nothing interesting to say. God I'm pathetic.