Twiddling thumbs...

I'm sitting in a hotel room in London, Ontario...between wanting o go to sleep and needing to go to sleep. I have only 6 hours until I am to have breakfast and depart for a conference. What to do if I am unable to sleep. I wish I had more time, maybe some wine. I had got quite drunk on the weekend and actually got sick (which is unusual) because I suppose my internal "stop" button got stuck on "keep drinking". I actually passed out in my room with MH and a friend downstairs. It was a safe environment but embarrasing nonetheless. Now I am wishing for a bit more to drink.

My grandmother was an alcoholic. This bothers me. I hear alcoholism runs in the family, which worries me further. Do alcoholics know that they are? However, I also know that I am NOT an alcoholic. I don't need a drink. I don't drink every day. I barely drink once a week. But tonight I'd like a drink. And yes, that worries me.

Away from MH, the world seems smaller, and less complete. I miss him. But I like missing him, as it makes me remember that I love him. I will always love him, but it is nice to be jarred out of your comfort zone of "loving" to "missing being loved". I will look forward to going home.