Away from home
Sitting in a hotel room in Victoria, BC. I always thought that travelling for work would be fun, and to an extent, it is. It's the work part that ain't so rosy. It would be very different if I was with coworkers, but I'm not. I was sent all by my lonesome, while 10 coworkers are yukking it up in Alberta. Every hour or so I get a message or email, saying "We MISS you! We're having SO much FUN!" and worst of all "wish you were here!!". Fab that they think of me that way. Boo that I'm in Victoria.
Hotel rooms are fun / not fun too. You come back to a tidy room, fresh sheets, and the prospect of room service. Sounds great in theory. Then you realize that you have no-one to come home to, no regular comforts (it's hard to get something as simple as a bottle of water or soda), no cats to snuggle with, and no real distractions except TV and internet. I believe I found the end of the internet last night...it really is full of crap, it's true.
I do love how being away from MH makes me feel. I feel much more grateful for what I have, and long to be back with him. It makes me feel good about us, and it's been a while since I've felt that "yes, this is the guy I long for". I love him so much, but sometimes you need a bit of distance to bring that into perspective.
I have to go through tomorrow, Sunday, and Monday before I come home. It's going to be tough, but I'm hoping that it will help us, in the long term.
Things haven't been 100% smooth over the past month or so. I feel so overworked that I simply can't relax at home. MH has responded by being curt and acting like I'm hurting him, because I have to work at home sometimes. I respond to that badly! It's been a bit of a vicious circle. I feel that he is not helping out around the house enough, as I have so much to deal with at work, then I have to come home and do dishes, laundry, clean litter boxes, and generally tidy while he watches tv. But this is his way of exerting control (not that he'd admit it). We had a bit of a blow up the other day because he insisted I hadn't informed him about something, when I had. Several times. The particulars of the conversation that did / did not happen are not relevent...it is the way he reacts in these situations that is. He can't be wrong. But he was. Therein lies the rub. I also can't stand to be wrong, but in this instance, I was 100% right. And he treated me like I was some sort of delusional, idiotic crazy person. THAT, I won't stand for. But I walked away, because I know these things never turn out in my favour. Then he accused me of losing something unimportant, because, since I control all of the paper in our house (by default), and I am his personal assistant, I must be incompetant as well as crazy. That drives me nutso. Trust me, I hate being his filing cabinet / scheduler / personal assistant / banking agent / diary etc, but if I don't do it, the gas gets shut off from failure to pay, and his mother stops talking with us because he forgot her birthday. Anyway, to say that one piece of paper has gone missing in almost five years of our relationship...I'd say I'm pretty damn good at my "job". But now I'm incompetant.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I need this time. I need to find the "need" for MH. And sleeping 5000 miles away may just give me that. So this whole thing is a blessing, and very much a curse.
Now, I'm going to go and have my cheese plate. It may be a curse to be in a hotel, but it does have some random perks!
Hotel rooms are fun / not fun too. You come back to a tidy room, fresh sheets, and the prospect of room service. Sounds great in theory. Then you realize that you have no-one to come home to, no regular comforts (it's hard to get something as simple as a bottle of water or soda), no cats to snuggle with, and no real distractions except TV and internet. I believe I found the end of the internet last night...it really is full of crap, it's true.
I do love how being away from MH makes me feel. I feel much more grateful for what I have, and long to be back with him. It makes me feel good about us, and it's been a while since I've felt that "yes, this is the guy I long for". I love him so much, but sometimes you need a bit of distance to bring that into perspective.
I have to go through tomorrow, Sunday, and Monday before I come home. It's going to be tough, but I'm hoping that it will help us, in the long term.
Things haven't been 100% smooth over the past month or so. I feel so overworked that I simply can't relax at home. MH has responded by being curt and acting like I'm hurting him, because I have to work at home sometimes. I respond to that badly! It's been a bit of a vicious circle. I feel that he is not helping out around the house enough, as I have so much to deal with at work, then I have to come home and do dishes, laundry, clean litter boxes, and generally tidy while he watches tv. But this is his way of exerting control (not that he'd admit it). We had a bit of a blow up the other day because he insisted I hadn't informed him about something, when I had. Several times. The particulars of the conversation that did / did not happen are not relevent...it is the way he reacts in these situations that is. He can't be wrong. But he was. Therein lies the rub. I also can't stand to be wrong, but in this instance, I was 100% right. And he treated me like I was some sort of delusional, idiotic crazy person. THAT, I won't stand for. But I walked away, because I know these things never turn out in my favour. Then he accused me of losing something unimportant, because, since I control all of the paper in our house (by default), and I am his personal assistant, I must be incompetant as well as crazy. That drives me nutso. Trust me, I hate being his filing cabinet / scheduler / personal assistant / banking agent / diary etc, but if I don't do it, the gas gets shut off from failure to pay, and his mother stops talking with us because he forgot her birthday. Anyway, to say that one piece of paper has gone missing in almost five years of our relationship...I'd say I'm pretty damn good at my "job". But now I'm incompetant.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I need this time. I need to find the "need" for MH. And sleeping 5000 miles away may just give me that. So this whole thing is a blessing, and very much a curse.
Now, I'm going to go and have my cheese plate. It may be a curse to be in a hotel, but it does have some random perks!
posted by Jennifer @ 11:03 p.m.
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