Stupidius dumbassi

Mummy Moo has a boyfriend that I shall call "Dumbass". They have been together on and off for about 4 years. I don't like the guy. I'll just stick to the facts, without elaboration, to show you why:

1. He's a bigot
2. He's a racist
3. He's a sexist
4. He is always, without exception, right
5. He thinks Canadians are stupid
6. He doesn't like Canada. He thinks we sue everybody for no reason and that it is too safe because we have warning signs like "Mind Your Step".
7. He sees no difference between Canada and America
8. He thinks that the French should accept his English currency and be grateful because England liberated them in the 1940's
9. He cheated on my mother
10. He smokes in our house, knowing it makes my brother sick
11. He is a City Counsellor in England, elected on an anti-immigration platform
12. He falls asleep on the couch when we have company over. And snores.
13. He told MF that Germans should all be killed for what they did (MF is half German)
14. He wanted me to level our Christmas tree with books
15. He can't spell my sisters name after 4 years of knowing her. And it's an extremely common English name.

So, that's just scratching the surface of it all...without getting petty, and without getting mad.

So, what does Mummy Moo want to do? Have him invited to the wedding, of course! Now, in case you didn't see point 4 through 7, I don't know why he'd want to come in the first place. If you saw all of the other points, you'd probably see why I don't want him there (with particular attention given to point 13, which would go down an absolute treat with MF's GERMAN family). And it's not even a question of "IF" he'll raise the issue...it's "WHEN". I vote for during the ceremony, with me walking down the aisle to a fist fight.

True story: MF and I were talking about passports and Dumbass interjects that he doesn't see why we have to have passports. I said that it's to prove what citizenship we held. Dumbass went on to explain that he was coming into the UK from Europe and had misplaced his passport. When the (Pakistani) passport control officer asked him to prove that he was British (meaning a drivers licence or such) Dumbass gave him a rollicking for daring to question HIM that he was British, when the officer himself CLEARLY wasn't British, he was from darkie country. The officer then proceeded to say "Sir, you are being so entirely rude, you must be British". And Dumbass tells this story with PRIDE! The NERVE!!

MF is furious that he never spoke up then (mostly because we probably would have been thrown out of Mum's house for insubordination...she won't have anyone criticising Dumbass, no matter how obvious the criticism), and he doesn't want him within 2000 miles of our wedding.

So I had the difficult job of telling Mum that he wasn't welcome. Yes, this is a huge faux pas, and yes, we SHOULD invite him, but I can't. I won't. I won't put the day in jeopardy for one monkey. Other people have said "Oh, he can't be that bad". Trust me, he is.

Just imagine, if you will. My step mother won't be sitting in the first aisle (she will be sitting in the second), only my Mother, Father and my two Brothers (Mum's escorts) will be in the front row. Dumbass, if he weasled his way in against my wishes, would be asked to sit in the second row. But he wouldn't. He'd refuse. He'd make a scene, saying he wants to sit in the front row (a position not even my step-mother will have). And he'd make us, in the middle of the ceremony if necessarary, just to get his way. Again, not IF, but WHEN.

I won't have spent a week with my mother without him hanging on like some ignorant barnacle for 5 years. Please dear God, is it too much to ask that he doesn't come for the week of my wedding? By that point, I won't have seen her for a year and two months (alone or not) and goddamn it, I want to visit with her, not have her absent and distracted as she cares for this 60 year old toddler! He would demand to come to the Bachelorette ("What am I going to do by myself?") , he'd want Mum to stay with him the night before the wedding and then try and be around for the getting ready stuff...hell, he'd probably convince my Mum to let him walk me down the aisle!

Anyhoo, I told her no. She's upset. I wonder how much of it is just appearing "dateless" at the event, or genuine care for the guy. Right or wrong though, I'll stand my ground.