I'm no frigging fun right now, am I?

I promise to be more fun. Even I wouldn't want to read my blog right now.

So, instead, I will endevour to talk about that which will only amuse:

1) Like going to Costco. Costco is friggin' amusing. Just watching a woman struggle to unload a skids worth of toilet paper onto the conveyor belt...I don't care who you are, that there's funny. How much toilet paper could you possibly need?? What are you thinking? How are you going to get that into your car??

Sidenote: Haha. You know a grouping of lions is called a pride? Well, a grouping of toilet paper should be called a "skid". Hahaha.

2) Have you ever found out that you've been pronouncing a word wrong for your entire life, and no-one corrected you because they were being polite. Seriously, if this happens to a friend of yours, please correct him / her. I've been pronouncing it "guitar riff" instead of "guitar rift" for eons. Yeah, that must have really impressed my then-boyfriends bandmates..."oh, well I think the best riff is in Hotel California, blah, blah, blah". I am such a moron.

3) Talking about words, I swear these are terms that only I use:

• Munga (Meaning: huge and slightly hulking. Use in a sentence: "That man was totally munga")
• Squadow! (Meaning: Noise when hit by something semi-blunt. Use in a sentence: "I threw that softball and before I knew it, "squadow!", it smacked him upside the head")
• Chronosynchlasticinfindibulum (Meaning: A rip in the time and space continuum resulting in vortex-like worm holes, derived from centifugal force or excessive mass. Use in a sentence: "Elvis didn't die. His huge bulk exceeded the universal mass laws, and he created a chronosynchlasticinfindibulum. He's just hanging in another dimension right now" or "Damn it! The dryer created another chronosynchlasticinfidibulm that ate my socks!")

Sidenote: Further explaination on the phenomena of Chronosynchlasticinfindibulum. A vortex appears only through use of centifugal force, such as is found in your dryer. However, the laws of physics dictate that you cannot remove mass from the earth...the earth must always contain the same mass. Therefore, the mass of the socks that disappear through a Chronosynchlasticinfindibulum to another dimension reappears here in a different form...empty ballpoint pens, lego blocks and dryer lint.

4) If love is all you need, how come McCartney is still fighting over rights to have his name credited first on Beatles songs? Just askin'.

5) I sure can bust a move with my crunk hommies, and my peeps and my baller think I can floss for real. Forshizzle. I am the whitest white girl ever. Word.