Various conversations with ex-friend...

Of course, she when I am feeling about as hurt and angry with ex-friend as I can get, a cheery message arrives on my answer machine. "Hey you, it's K! Just calling to say hi!! Give me a call back on my cell, bye!!"

So, one of several things may have happened, ranked in order from highly unlikely to most likely:

1) She is phoning to apologise because she acted like a jerk and knows she hurt my feelings
2) She is phoning to say hi
3) She is phoning because she wants to be a bridesmaid
4) She is phoning because she realizes that she wants to be my Maid of Honour and my feelings be damned

I really don't know how to respond. Obviously, I haven't yet phoned her. I don't want to phone her. But at some point, I'm going to pick up the phone and she'll be at the other end. Right now, this is what I want to say:

K: Hi you, how are you!?
Me: What do you want?
K: Um, nothing, just saying hi!
Me: Get lost you soul sucking harpie.

I think that would do nicely. However, I couldn't possibly say that because I'm too frigging nice. Instead, I'll probably say:

K: Hi you, how are you!?
Me: Do you want to be my Maid of Honour?
K: Wow, definitely! I'll get you drunk, take you to strippers and ruin your wedding by getting drunk, throwing up over the DJ and trying to make out with your new husband. Then I'll get naked on the dancefloor.
Me: Sounds great.

Ok, so I wouldn't say "Sounds great". I'd probably say "Alrighty then".

I think that I really should say the following:

K: Hi you, how are you!?
Me: Fine thanks.
K: What are you doing?
Me: Not much.
K: How's the engagement?
Me: Great, couldn't be happier.
K: Have you chosen your Maid of Honour yet?
Me: Nope.
K: Bridesmaids?
Me: Nope.
K: So, when are we going dress shopping?
Me: Haven't thought of that yet.
K: Oh.

Deny, deny, deny. Of course, I have chosen my Maid of Honour, my dear little sis. I just haven't told her yet. Bridesmaids will be tricky because I will have to flat out tell her at some point that she is being replaced by someone I have only known for a short period of time. But hey, she isn't a soul sucking harpie, so that's already a bonus.

I just realized that I keep too many people in my life that do nothing but suck the air out of me. I feel a cleansing coming on.