The most industrious thing happening at my house right now...

...is the trail of ants that I've got maurauding my kitchen at the moment. Little buggers. Honestly, what cesspool must I live in to get ants? They're bold little shits too, marching right past the ant traps that I diligently put down. I've taken to smashing them with the blunt end of my swiffer, leaving tiny little mangled ant bodies imbedded in the rubber. Sweet. And they don't die! I go along "smash, smash, smash" and there are still one or two clinging to life until their supposed fellow comrade ants drag them back to the ant hill for late night snacking. That must suck, "Oh god, Johnson! Thank god you came! I was marching over there to get that crumb and the bitch swiffered...wait, where are we going?"

I've also discovered that cats don't eat ants. After living alone for years, I've trained one of the cats to eat bugs on command, but they won't go near ants. Spiders, yes, they will grab one of those nasty, skittery fuckers and sit with the legs hanging out of his mouth until the death spasms have stopped and the legs curl up on itself (ewwwww). Then the crunching begins. But not ants...they must taste bad...not that a wolf spider could possibly taste better.

I just know that if I don't get the Raid in action, I'm going to find my couch gone one day.