Listening to Jann Arden today...

...on the radio. Her latest song is all about picking up and starting over somewhere where no-one knows you, and I started wondering why I didn't just pick up and leave when things pretty much hit rock bottom for me in April 2002.

Sidenote: Of course, if you've seen my earlier post, you know that rock bottom was still to come for me...but the whole nature of "rock bottom" is transitory and I can always hit another rock bottom in the future. It's funny how you can go through things and you think it can't get any worse, but of course, it always can. That's almost a direct quote from my mother...always the optimist.

Anyhoo, the whole song revolves around just getting in the car, jam-packed with all of your belongings and just driving, driving, driving.

Got my hands on the wheel, got my foot on the pedal
Gonna drive till I drop, till the tires turn to metal
Gonna sleep when I'm dead, gonna laugh like the devil
Gonna find some place where no one knows me
Gonna stop when the last drop of gas turns to vapor
Gonna ride till I can't even seem to remember
Who I was when I left and it don't even matter
Gonna find some place where no one knows me

I wonder why I didn't do it, when things were at their worst and there was nothing for me where I was at that time. Why didn't I go? Was it fate that I should stay, and meet MB instead? Is this all part of the plan. Yet, this still holds some sort of appeal to me, even now when I am happy. The thought of the power, the potential that lies behind just packing it in, packing up and moving out. Wow. The grief and the empowerment. I wonder why I am thinking so much about this now?