Letter to the Women Using the Facilities Today
To woman #1: I don't know how you think spritzing some water on your hands for 3 milliseconds is going to protect me from your germy mitts. Here's a tip: use soap. Oh, and for the soap to do its job you have to actually lather for a full 15 seconds at the very least. I prefer 30, but hey, that's just because I don't like injesting e-coli over the course of an afternoon. Call me crazy...
To woman #2: You are a working professional in a highly paid field. What would possess you to graffiti the inside of the stall? Are you nine? Do we need to send you to the Principal's office?
To woman #3: Let me make an introduction - Garbage bin, paper. Paper, garbage bin.
To woman #4: They are called "Brush Ups" and you can buy them everywhere. I don't even like seeing MB brush his teeth...why on earth would I want to see you do it?
To woman #5: If you are so paranoid that you line the seat with paper, at least flush the paper after your sparkly clean butt has vacated the general area. I so LOVE to sit on people's butt paper...no I do, I do!
To woman #6 (probably related to woman #5): I know you flush the toilet using your foot. And I guess now I understand why...I mean, why would you want to touch something with your hand when someone has touched it with their foot! Am I right? Dumbass. Now I have to flush the toilet using paper. Thanks buddy.
To woman #7: It's called a plunger. You should use it. God, you must be in serious colon denial. Eat more fibre girl.
To woman #8 who strategically draped 8 squares of toilet paper over the holder because the paper had run out and you couldn't tell until you got busy: You are a goddess, an utter vision sent from above. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
To woman #2: You are a working professional in a highly paid field. What would possess you to graffiti the inside of the stall? Are you nine? Do we need to send you to the Principal's office?
To woman #3: Let me make an introduction - Garbage bin, paper. Paper, garbage bin.
To woman #4: They are called "Brush Ups" and you can buy them everywhere. I don't even like seeing MB brush his teeth...why on earth would I want to see you do it?
To woman #5: If you are so paranoid that you line the seat with paper, at least flush the paper after your sparkly clean butt has vacated the general area. I so LOVE to sit on people's butt paper...no I do, I do!
To woman #6 (probably related to woman #5): I know you flush the toilet using your foot. And I guess now I understand why...I mean, why would you want to touch something with your hand when someone has touched it with their foot! Am I right? Dumbass. Now I have to flush the toilet using paper. Thanks buddy.
To woman #7: It's called a plunger. You should use it. God, you must be in serious colon denial. Eat more fibre girl.
To woman #8 who strategically draped 8 squares of toilet paper over the holder because the paper had run out and you couldn't tell until you got busy: You are a goddess, an utter vision sent from above. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
posted by Jennifer @ 11:15 a.m.
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