The Feeling of Useful
I had forgotten what the feeling of useful felt like. The sense of accomplishment when you have reached the end of the week, not only (relatively) unscathed and mostly alive, but also with the list ready to go for next week. The feeling that you can put the week safely to bed knowing you can fully enjoy a well deserved weekend, return on Monday, and have a list.
No scatterbrain thoughts...no rushing madly from one project to another aimlessly. No no, not this week. This week, I am in control. I shaped my week. I won.
The last five days were not without their bumps, but I have also learnt that bumps are not necessarily the end of the world. I can brush off the stilleto heel marks from my suit and get back to work. Yes, there might be a few hasty job applications, but it's only a temporary lapse until you regain control, dab your eyes, flap your hands in front of your face a few times and return to your desk stronger than before.
The funniest sensation did happen to me though...I thought that, if I did lose my job, it would of course be terrible. But I also got this feeling that everything would be ok if I did. Sure, we'd have less income for a bit, but I am a competent woman...I'd get a new job, and we'd be fine.
Then thoughts turned to babies and maternity leave for a few moments, and I had to think hard to get me back on track. Ah, yes...being fired.
I just knew that MF would take care of me, of us. It would be hard, but we'd manage. I'd take a lower paying job if I had to, we have plenty of sacrifices we could make if necessary. It seemed all sort of romantic (in the same sense that Dickens or Tolstoy or Hugo is romatic, that is).
Regardless, I am now back in control. I am still me, just with a more cautious attitude, more prepared, with a CYA file (that's "Cover Your Ass" for you non-corporate types who haven't been exposed yet to the vipers of the world). I am looking forward to the weekend, yes, but I am also looking forward to Monday.
Onwards!!
No scatterbrain thoughts...no rushing madly from one project to another aimlessly. No no, not this week. This week, I am in control. I shaped my week. I won.
The last five days were not without their bumps, but I have also learnt that bumps are not necessarily the end of the world. I can brush off the stilleto heel marks from my suit and get back to work. Yes, there might be a few hasty job applications, but it's only a temporary lapse until you regain control, dab your eyes, flap your hands in front of your face a few times and return to your desk stronger than before.
The funniest sensation did happen to me though...I thought that, if I did lose my job, it would of course be terrible. But I also got this feeling that everything would be ok if I did. Sure, we'd have less income for a bit, but I am a competent woman...I'd get a new job, and we'd be fine.
Then thoughts turned to babies and maternity leave for a few moments, and I had to think hard to get me back on track. Ah, yes...being fired.
I just knew that MF would take care of me, of us. It would be hard, but we'd manage. I'd take a lower paying job if I had to, we have plenty of sacrifices we could make if necessary. It seemed all sort of romantic (in the same sense that Dickens or Tolstoy or Hugo is romatic, that is).
Regardless, I am now back in control. I am still me, just with a more cautious attitude, more prepared, with a CYA file (that's "Cover Your Ass" for you non-corporate types who haven't been exposed yet to the vipers of the world). I am looking forward to the weekend, yes, but I am also looking forward to Monday.
Onwards!!
posted by Jennifer @ 4:55 p.m.
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