We are living in a traditional world, and I am a traditional girl...

I have been called some things in my time ("Dime-a-dance whore" was my particular favourite...ah, she was just jealous) but I have never, ever been called *gasp* traditional.

It's a buzzword used in the wedding industry to imply in a very thinly gauzed way that you are boring. Is it my fault that I like an off-white, ballgown like dress ("Oh, so traditional" sighed the attendent), or white roses ("the most traditional of flowers"), or a nice meal ("beef tenderloin...the traditional wedding fare")? I feel as if my perfect wedding could have been planned by monkeys watching a couple of episodes of "The Wedding Story" on TLC...blindfolded.

Am I that predictable? Am I boring?

So what if I don't want to wear scarlet and carry a potted plant? So what if my cat doesn't act as ringbearer (seriously considered for 30 seconds...the "traditional" side of me must have thought I was getting too quirky and raised my rational thought levels to normal again). No, I don't want to get married in a nightclub and no, I don't want my attendents to wear go-go boots. Am I weird in my normalness?

That being said, there are some "traditional" elements that we will NOT be having, such as:

• NO showers (Brides orders...hey, I'm allowed to be bossy over some things right? I just don't like being fussed over is all, I don't need extra gifts, it just not a British thing, so many reasons not to)
• NO bouquet or (bletch) garter toss
• NO stupid games instead of clinking glasses
• NO "stripper DJ"...you know, the kind that sounds like he's going to break into "Welcome to the staaaagggge, Angiiiieeeeee" at any given opportunity.
• NO money box, money dance, money shower, or money anything. Sooo grabby.
• NO Jack and Jill as wedding fundraiser. Nothing like hitting your good friends up for cash.

Just good, honest, elegant, "traditional" fun. Oh, but I am going commando...stick that in your traditional craw, Ms. Bridal Store Attendent, and smoke it!